what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize