Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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