What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
