did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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