Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
