When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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