After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
