Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just tell him i said nine months
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
