I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
