That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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