It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
