Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
