I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
