I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
