if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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