Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
