I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
