Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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