I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
