The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
