I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
