Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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