I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
