Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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