somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ugly people sure do ruin things
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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