i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
