Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
