i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
