We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
