Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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