No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
