We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
