I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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