as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
