i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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