What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
