im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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