Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
