bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
