Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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