If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
