I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
