Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
