I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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