Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
