i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You are a genius and a whore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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