If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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