I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
