can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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