hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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