You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
