We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
