He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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