Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
