im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
