She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
