why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize