Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
