Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
