my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
