afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im part way to drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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