i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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