I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
